Karolina Filosek

A gift of vulnerability

We are living in the world where, you are expected to be all the time productive. Everything is measured by numbers and comparison to other people. Fact that it starts from our early years of living, doesn’t help. Our parents compare us to our brother and sister. School has numeric system of measuring our achievements and each year you see yourself through the prism of average school grades. Here starts “the hamster wheel” effect.

Later on, it goes even worse. You dream to become somebody align with your inner voice, but people around you doubt you. Yes I am a parent, I know we want good for our kids. We want them to have good job to pay bills, and we believe it will make them happy. But what if we are wrong? What if expecting from our kids, friends and colleagues to fit the rule of “do your job no meter what” , it’s actually something what is killing their vulnerability?

XXI century expectation of non-stop human productivity is killing our vulnerability

You might ask, but why would I need being weak and sensible in my life? I don’t want to feel all these negative emotions. I do not want to speak about my weaknesses, more than that I do not want to even see them. People will not accept me, my boss will fire me, my problems are my own piece of cookie and let’s leave it.

Let me ask you a question. When was the last time when you asked yourself “How are you”? And did you answer this question with full honest, not the simply “I am fine”? How do you feel when people come to you with their emotional problems? Are you feeling okay in such a situation, or just want to run away? What do you think about emotional confession of others? How do you feel when you cry? Or when people next to you cry?

Most of the relationship problems begin, because we hide our weakness and emotions from others.

Please close your eyes now and imagine the moment when you were born. See this small child. How would you see it? As weak? As not deserving a love and acceptance because of his vulnerability? No!? Actually we all love these little once , because they are so capable of showing they needs and weakness. You were born perfect. Full of love and need to express you as you are.

When you avoid seeing and accepting your strengths and weaknesses you loose connection with yourself.

I meet so many people who hide their vulnerability every day from world . They put on smiling mask in the morning and in the evening don’t know why they feel so disconnected with them self. They are so afraid to show how beautiful and gentle is their soul. This is so sad.

I was one of them. Constantly in the warning system, to keep all emotions hidden. Then I dint’t know why my relations are not so bonded. And why I cannot feel fully the other person. Why I am not able to stay with somebody’s tears. Yes I didn’t run away, however I was not there for this person, I was not there for my child. I expected them to quickly stop crying, by comforting them with cheap “it s all gonna be fine”. I believed that, but this was not what they needed while crying.

What kind of power did vulnerability has given to me?

I must say that this is the most beautiful gift which I discovered in past 2 years in me. By giving myself right to be weak and open with heart I discovered that:

  • My relation with my husband is deeper. I never thought that by taking of the mask of “Always able to do all by myself” , I can discover the beauty of not only giving, but also taking in the relationship.
  • How the simple “this hurts me” , can change your friends, colleagues, family relationships. Yes you need to take into consideration that some people are not open for that. They might laugh it out and deny it, but this is their problem with openness for being vulnerable in other people. This is all fine.
  • I can fully embody the emotions of my clients and stay with it feeling comfortable. All the emotions, weaknesses are more than welcome. The more the client opens , the bigger changes happens in his/her life.
  • Relationship with myself is deeper. I can stay with emotion and welcome it. Accept it. I can even say that now I can truly love myself. This is the same relation as with others, you cannot love somebody truly, if you cannot accept him/her as they are. The journey starts in you.
  • I have more understanding for the emotions of my kids. Not trying to change them. Emotion comes to one my sons, because he feels so, and this is okay. It s not my job to change it, my job is to be for him in that moment, with my heart.
  • I can truly gratitude my life, world and people not just by rational brain. There is a bond between my brain and heart now. These two are not separated, they both accompany you in your life journey
  • My level of consciousness in deeper. I connected to the power of vulnerability and this power is helping me to see the world from different perspective.

Thus what should you do as the first step, to connect to your vulnerability gift?

Do you remember the exercise with the visualization of the moment you were just born? It ‘s there. In your inner child. Start the journey with connecting with this small boy/girl in you. Talk about your emotions. Start the journal, if that is the easiest way for. Write down what do you feel, what bothers you, what scares you. Connect with your emotions. Let them come and accept them. This is the first step. It might be a small step for you, but it’s a huge step for our humanity.

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