Five years ago, a question in my head appeared , when I was filling out for 100 time the excel table for my employer . Who I really am? I exist, do my job, but I feel burnt out inside … What value do I bring to my life? Which of my values does this work fill for me? All these questions overwhelmed me more and more often. I tried to push them away, bury them somewhere, because this was the life I lived in. It was comfortable. It was what I had done and knew so far, so I didn’t wonder what my life really was about.
Staying deaf to my own emotions
The problem is that you can’t kill feelings and emotions. Thus, we can try to bury them. Even avoid them like fire or just use our common sense to explain each of them rationally.
Yes, these are the old programs in our mind. Something that has been uploaded in our mindset over the years , cannot be so easily thrown away and replaced with new ones.
In addition, when your inside voice calls you to look at your life, there is a huge fear.
Fear that prevents you from facing the true. However, you already know “what I do is not what I want to do, but how to change it”?
I don’t know what to do next?
Staying in “I don’t know” is the most horrifying task. However, it turned out that it was the first stage of my change. Space for not knowing what next has amazing causative power. Where you accept this life condition, the resistance to change itself disappears. Excuses and self- criticism for being 30 years old not knowing what you want to do with your life, is melting day by day. You just prepare field like a good farmer.
In place for all above rise something new and beautiful. There is a special seed which needs special soil.A treasure from childhood. This treasure is the desire to discover yourself. Searching and openness to new and unknown.
Often fear and anxiety can be overwhelming. You may be flooded by a wave of emotions that you can’t handle. The best you can do for yourself is to find someone who will help you gather your thoughts. Someone who objectively, without judgment will lead you through all these emotions and at the same time will help you in small steps to start discovering your self. Your lost dreams, dusty needs and emotions that have never had the right to be expressed.
For me it was the beginning of a great transformation. Wake up like from lethargy. The world that seemed black or white until now was not what I had for it.
My internal limitations and beliefs depended only on me. However, the biggest discovery was:
- No, it’s not too late to find myself and change my career
- No, I’m not too stupid, too old, not enough ….
- No, I’m not at the wrong moment in my life, because of children, because of my husband, because of money, because of plans …
- No, this is not the crap of motivational speakers “That I can change my life today”
- Yes, I have the right to change my mind about the future, even when I am 30, 40, 70, 90 !!!
- Yes, I have the right to bet on myself and follow my heart
- Yes, I have the right to all the emotions that are tearing me down and which were buried long time ago, because I was expected to do so
- Yes, I have the right to be a mother, wife and at the same time remain faithful to myself and my values and needs! !!
- Yes, I am good enough to learn something from the very beginning.
- Yes, it will be damn hard sometimes and I have the right to lie down and say “F*** it, it doesn’t make sense anymore “. And then get up the next day and fight for my dreams.
- Yes, I have the right to ask for help and invest in myself.
And you know what? You also have the right to all these NOs, to all those YESes!
You are good enough to change your life, career, relationship, relationships, work … Everything!
This is the strength inside you. Your life began there. Inside! Look there and look for someone who could help you, get through these hardest moments!